Oh the Humanity!!!!

The early morning sun brushed my eyelids as it peered through the first blind slat. The day glow orange glow woke me from a sporadic sleep that had tormented me all night. I slowly rolled off the couch, wincing as my back and shoulders throbbed from the de-thatching I had done the previous afternoon. I picked up my weary head and rubbed my neck, peering through the dim light to where the wild tiger had made her den. At first it appeared as if she had rendered her rawhide useless; torn into small pieces and splayed across the floor. No amount of conditioning could have prepared me for what realization came next.
My eyes slowly adjusted to the soft morning light. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and allowed them to focus on the shrapnel, hoping not to step on them and destroy my naked feet. Oddly, the pieces I first saw were shaped familiarly.....like....a foot....a hand.....OHHH My God, an entire torso and head!!! Not just one, but multiple parts, strewn about as if some wild animal had gone on a bloody rampage and massacred an unsuspecting village. The pieces of rawhide I had expected were instead the remains of two Barbies and one Ken doll that had been torn limb from limb. The actual accounting of the victims could only be performed after a rough re-assembly and autopsy was performed. Dental analysis was required to determine which dolls they actually were, due to the crushed skulls and disfigured faces. Their hair had been torn from their scalp, their hands severed at the wrists, arms and legs ripped from the trunk. A truly evil, diabolical and remorseless act of violence played out upon these poor creatures. The scene was too much, I had to look away.
As I took a deep breath, the sickness subsided. At this exact time the tigress came from behind the Barbie Penthouse with another doll in tow. I had to act fast. Quickly I rolled to the ground, sacrificing myself for this poor creature. The tiger, in full surprise, dropped the doll and immediately alit upon my chest, covering me with her tongue. The stench of plastic still hung heavy on her breath. I wrestled her for what seemed like an eternity. I finally won the battle and rendered her immobile utilizing my patented technique: "The Tiger Belly Rub."
Once I had subdued and adequately reprimanded the beast, I had the arduous task of cleaning up the carnage. I wept (or laughed manically) as I slowly gathered the pieces together and moved them to the disposal unit for burial.

Oh the Humanity. My life shall forever be changed. And a lesson shall be learned.

That's all the time I have, You've been great!

TTS